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‘I wish you were happy, Paul. You’re not. Not with me. Not with yourself. I want you to understand that. I want to help you.’ It wasn’t a rehearsed speech on her part, and she was both surprised and elated that she’d come out with it. ‘You want me to quit drinking? Is that it?’ His voice was racing toward that belligerent tone she knew all to well. ‘Do you need an excuse? I’ll give you one if you want,’ she shot back. Sometimes she knew him better than he knew himself. Paul shifted on the piano bench. ‘Maybe I can balance the two.’ ‘What two?’ ‘Work and family. Drinking and . . .’ She forced a smile. ‘Please, be honest with us.’ ‘Okay, Ellen. I love you,’ he said, ‘Honest, I do.’ ‘Prove it,’ she responded, hoping desperately that he meant what he’d just said. He stood, crossed the room and offered his arms. She folded into him naturally and wrapped around him like a vine. A tear drifted down her cheek. ‘Need more proof,’ she said in a muffled voice and trembled against him. He. I always loved to see you like that. When awake, your eyes always seem to hide so much, like the beautiful blue in them was merely swirls that covered up a darkness beneath that you could never let others get too close to. But I did try; at least I can say that much. Asleep, though, you seem entirely at peace. I checked my watch, happy that I still had time to grab a shower and maybe a quick bite before work. Plenty of time to wake up and shake off the slight hangover pounding in both temples. First, though, I grabbed a spare blanket from my friend's closet. I covered you up and silently cursed at myself for watching you to way I used to. Like when you used to spend nights at my place and each breath you would exhale felt like a warm breeze across my skin. I'm watching you like you're still mine. I don't know if you ever were. At least, I thought, I can just take a shower, leave, and put you out of my mind bit by bit as the day goes on. But, you're here now, only a few inches away..
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